Mocha Mr. Clean's The Dirty Truth

March 16, 2010

Headlocks and Health Care

Filed under: Politics,Pro Wrestling — mochamrclean @ 5:10 pm

Just like I’ve suspected all along … there is no real difference between politics and professional wrestling (except for perhaps one thing:¬† pro wrestlers don’t really hide who they are).

Still, I’d love to see Jake “The Snake” Roberts DDT some of these jokers in Washington, and that’s The Dirty Truth!

~mmc

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March 15, 2010

A Piece of Advice to a Bastard for Handling Creeps

Filed under: Current Events,Politics,Pop Culture — mochamrclean @ 9:19 pm

Creeps. We see them in our lives every day. On the train to work. In the workplace. Sometimes they’re our bosses; sometimes we’re related to them. Sometimes we sleep with them.

In recent days, our headlines have been inundated with them. Last week, we had “Tickle Me” Eric Massa. (Let’s face it – some conservatives in the GOP were ready to adopt him as their next poster boy – the Democrat shunned because of his opposition to the health care reform bill – until not even Glenn Beck could stand what an absolute, skeevy, slimy creep he was. Now, nobody wants him.)

And this week? We opened with John Edwards and his paramour, Rielle Hunter – now that’s really creepy. Edwards punched his express ticket to straight to the Scumbag Hall of Fame when he cheated on his cancer-stricken wife, Elizabeth. (Don’t you see the warmth and love in the picture below?)

But the photos Rielle took for GQ – with lovechild in tow – ick, ick, ick … And yet, somehow this bleached-out New Age dipsy-doodle¬† is upset and crying her eyes out about the photo shoot. Huh? So, it’s respected photographer Mark Seliger’s fault that you look “repulsive” in your photos? Honey, it’s time someone told you The Dirty Truth and forced you to look seriously in the mirror.

Rielle and “Johnny” – these two sleazoids deserve each other. I’d say someone should drive them off a cliff, but that would deprive Frances Quinn of her, ahem, parents.

However, it would also deprive the Edwards bastard baby of revenge. Frances Quinn, if you learn no other piece of Dirty Truth in this life, take this to heart: Revenge is a dish best served cold. One day, when you are about 5 or 6 , you should kick both your daddy and your momma in the shins, just for the hell of it. You will get punished, but at least you’ll feel better.

Then, when your parents are old and decrepit and hobbling around in walkers and canes, kick their walking sticks right out from under them. Let them fall right on their dentures.

We can’t help our parents, folks. But if they’re creepy dirtybags, you can always send them a message.

Still, there are good kinds of creeps. For example, there’s the kind practiced by Radiohead.

Or maybe you prefer the Stone Temple Pilots:

But personally, the lovely ladies below are my favorite kind of creeps (miss ya, “Left Eye”):

~mmc

February 24, 2010

Grown-up Talk vs. Kids’ Play

Filed under: Current Events,Politics — mochamrclean @ 10:11 pm

If you want an illustration of the difference between children and adults, here’s one.

This is what children do:

This is what adults do:

Now, does President Obama tend to rely too much on the teleprompter. Perhaps. But Sarah Palin sure made a strong case a few weeks ago in favor the teleprompter.

Could you imagine what all the right-wing blogs and Fox News Channel would have been saying if Obama had scribbled notes on his hand? I mean, we’d be hearing jokes about a childish, socialist, communist, weak-on-terror, wussy president for 8 years – even if Obama turned out to be a one-termer.

But when Sarah does it, those righties say that proves she’s “down to earth.” “Folksy.” “Can adjust on the fly.” “Resourceful.” Yeah, okay. You go ahead and keep telling yourself that.

C’mon, at least Sarah could have used index cards. (Check STAPLES – they still make them. Honest.) To think, a part of me once thought she was a viable threat to Obama. Still, Sarah’s folks love her and will say and accept almost anything, as long as it’s not pro-Obama – and that’s perhaps one of the things that should keep our president up at nights.

Is all this petty? Yes, it is. Unfortunately, that’s what politics is all about these days and all sides are guilty of it. And until both sides stop washing their hands of responsibility, our country is going to continue to be in the mess it’s mired in – and that’s The Dirty Truth.

~mmc

September 4, 2008

Obama, Beware of this Pitbull with Lipstick

Filed under: Current Events,Politics — mochamrclean @ 7:11 pm

37 million people – 37 million – saw the stirring address before the Republican National Convention given by Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin, John McCain’s GOP VP running mate. It’s amazing that this woman was unknown to most of the country a week ago. Now, she’s practically the new savior of the the Republican Party and perhaps the biggest threat to Barack Obama and Joe Biden.

Why is she such a threat? It’s simple: Last night she showed something that no other Republican or politician, period, had displayed in a while. Moxy, fearlessness. A set of balls.

Like her politics or not, Palin attacked Obama in a way no one – not even Democrats, or fellow Republicans – had been able to get away with. And she hit him hard on his most glaring weaknesses for all the world to see. She pretty much summed up the suspicion the middle of the country had about Obama by implying that he was an elite slickster who who comfort people to their faces but then talk badly about them behind their backs, several states away.

Palin then defended her own questionable resume and experience by poking at Obama’s own somewhat thin leadership experience:

“I guess a small-town mayor is sort of like a community organizer, except that you have actual responsibilities.”

If you believe Palin, Obama is a vapid phony, willing to say anything in eloquent poetic lingo, to make his public swoon and get votes

“But when the cloud of rhetoric has passed, when the roar of the crowd fades away, when the stadium lights go out, and those Styrofoam Greek columns are hauled back to some studio lot … what, exactly will be our opponent’s plan?” she asked.

I’m scared for Obama … as mentioned last week, Palin is as conservative, anti-abortion, blue collar as they come.

Throw in the fact that she’s an attractive Supermom of five kids, she’s exactly the type of person the middle of the country loves. Obama, unfortunately, is exactly the type of person, the middle of the country views with suspicion. Could it be that two turning points in this presidential election came on both Aug. 29, 2008 and Sept. 3, 2008?

Stay tuned …

~mmc

August 29, 2008

A Ladies’ Touch …

Filed under: Current Events,Politics — mochamrclean @ 8:53 pm
Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin

Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin

Well, you have to admit it. John McCain proved that he still had a little mischievous maverick left in his 72-year-old body when he announced Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin as his vice presidential running mate. I could hear the rest of the country ask, “Who???”

But after hearing and watching Palin, a conservative, NRA card-carrying, self-described “hockey mom” of five, she is arguably the middle of the country’s dream. Her brunette hair rolled up in a bun, she comes off as no-frills, tough as nails governor with brains and beauty. Palin’s like the ultimate Super Mom – she’s the mother to both an entire state and her five kids and still takes care of her dock-working, dog-racing husband. Palin’s as blue collar as you can get and throw in the fact that she’s staunchly anti-abortion, she’s almost the perfect Republican.

McCain is undoubtedly trying to target the truly pissed-off Hillary supporters who are either not sold on Barack Obama or just won’t vote for him – even after their woman urged them to back him. It was a gutsy move that probably have many within the GOP nervous, even though they’re putting up a united front and saying all the right things publicly.

As the first-ever member of a GOP presidential ticket ever, Palin is already making history and she didn’t waste any time playing the Hillary card in her first appearance with McCain when she referred the “18 million cracks” the New York senator made in the glass ceiling. She paid homage to Hillary Clinton as a groundbreaker, even though her anti-abortion beliefs theoretically clash with to the disgruntled anti-Obama voters she and McCain are trying to court.

It’s amazing – Palin and Obama are both young and very inexperienced – or at least arguably too inexperienced for the jobs they want. But our times have made them pioneers and they have changed the political landscape. Obama and Palin and their respective “old guard” partners Joe Biden and McCain are making this the most exciting presidential race in ages.

Who needs cinematic superheroes when real life can be stranger and more exciting than fiction?

August 28, 2008

‘America, We Cannot Turn Back …’

Filed under: Current Events,Politics — mochamrclean @ 11:30 pm

On August 28, 2008, we saw a moment in time.

Whether you like Barack Obama or not, you couldn’t help but be awestruck by the sight of 85,000 people at Invesco Field in Denver cheering him during his acceptance speech of the Democratic Party’s nomination for President of the United States.

We saw history tonight, the fulfillment of Dr. Martin Luther King’s Dream on the 45th anniversary of his “I Have a Dream” speech. The fact that was standing in front of a legion of cheering, tearful supporters as the first African-American nominee of a major party for President of the United States should have sent a chill up anyone’s spine, regardless of political affiliation.

AP

AP

You will see much dissection and analysis of Obama’s speech – whether is was too long on rhetoric and too short on specifics, which is becoming the most common critique among his detractors.

But give Obama credit: He didn’t use MLK as a crutch.

He didn’t lean on his own status as a history-maker-glass ceiling breaker. Obama looked ahead to the future – because the dream is not yet complete. Next stop: the White House.

You have to feel a little sorry for John McCain, though. Next to the pure spectacle of Obama’s presentation, the old man is going to look like he’s in a small barn with a few firecrackers going off when he takes the stage during the Republican National Convention next week in Minneapolis.

But Obama must be careful. He may feel euphoric now, but John McCain is a survivor. You don’t come out of being a prisoner of war for years and years without being other-worldly tough. And we still don’t really know how the middle of the country – the mayonnaise sandwich eaters – feel about you or what they will do come November. The Dirty Truth will be known in less than three months.

~mmc

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